The worst wine glass in the world

At the end of the week for Grands Jours de Bourgogne is the tasting of the wines from the Vosne-Romanée village which are some of the most lauded and famous in the world. This takes place in the epic Château de Vougeot that sits in the middle of Burgundy’s second-largest and perhaps most… “irregular” Grand Cru: Clos de Vougeot.

Given the overall fame, security is tight as a lot of people try to pop in without having booked a time and the organizers did a tremendous job making it a far more sane day than at any time in the past. But, as part of that tasting, those who asked nicely from the riffraff known as “wine press” were allowed to go up to a special room and do a vertical tasting of Clos de Vougeot wines which this year ranged from 2019 back to 2003.

I didn’t take the earliest shuttle (Vins de Bourgogne smartly runs free shuttles to reduce congestion at the events) so when I walked in, the tasting was already in full swing and Burgundy authority, Jasper Morris cracked a joke that, “It really feels like the last day of school before summer vacation, no?”

We all chuckled and I grabbed a glass from a table at the window, sat down and began with the first wine. I noticed however that the glass seemed a bit wobbly and misshapen, lopped to one side. “Must be a faulty one.” I thought and went over to grab another, only to find it was the same shape, as well as all of the others.

“What on earth is wrong with these glasses?” I blurted out to no one in specific except the room in general.

Morris was the first to speak up, “Ah yes, they’re the official Vougeot tasting glasses of the Confrérie des Chevaliers du Tastevin.”

This confrérie or “brotherhood” is basically a group of people who gather to taste (drink) the wines of Burgundy at the Château de Vougeot and they had this glass, “Le verre de dégustation du Tastevinage” made in their honor as it allows, “retro-olfaction, fully revealing the character of each wine and releasing all of the olfactory and taste qualities”.

“This has to be the worst glass I’ve ever tasted from.” I again blurted out to no one.

“Well, someone had to say it.” was Morris’s response that left me wondering if he believed me to be overtly blunt, completely right, or perhaps both.

But the problem with the glass is exactly in how it’s designed as this part that sticks up higher on one side is supposed to allow you get your nose into the glass and fully enjoy the aromas. A standard Burgundy glass or in fact, most any wine glass allows that already. So as they’ve attempted to re-engineer the wheel, what happens is that you have to keep watching which side of it you get as if you have the higher side towards you, it jabs you in the lip. If you use the lower (and in theory, “correct”) side and there’s a sensation that you’re about the dribble on yourself. Somewhere in the middle and you’ll definitely dribble on yourself.

None of this is helped by the fact it has a relatively small “bowl”, not being all that much larger than a “copita”, a glass which is akin to smelling wine from thimble on a stem.

Glass choices are quite personal as Henry Jeffreys wrote in this great piece wherein he admitted that he likes using crap glasses to drink wine out of at home. After all, if it holds the liquid and allows you to get it into your mouth, mission accomplished.

Some people swear (swore?) by Zaltos for their tastings. My problem has always been that somehow they keep the party downstairs and it’s hard to really get all the aromas up and out of the wine. That and everyone I know who bought a pair of Zaltos is now the proud owner of one Zalto.

This quest to redesign what is really a simple concept shows how easy it is to overthink and make a rather ridiculous product that’s more a stunt piece than anything else.

It reminds me of back in high school when someone in my group of friends had gotten their hands on a sex toys catalog. Do keep in mind that this was pre-internet and also, as my friends were all in the marching band, few if any of us had had sex at that point making said catalog a truly amazing find.

But, perusing through it, we eventually came to a page featuring a “double dildo”. If I need to explain it, then we’ve lost a great deal as a people, but suffice to say, it elicited no end of laughter from my group of friends despite us not really understanding its intended use. Not that there really was an actual use as it was a something of a stunt piece, meant to gain attention, much like anything that Gwyneth Paltrow releases on Goop.

Apparently sex toys/aids are a $34 billion market in the United States, although who knows how much the double dildo take of that share is–such numbers are surprisingly hard to come by. It’s clear to see how one would want to stand out in such the large, lucrative market of sex toys that equates to 75% of the total wine market in the US. This offer of a double dildo does indeed allow one to pop up and be remembered amongst the heaving morass of lessor products, much like Goop’s Coffee Enema Kit or Toothpaste Squeezer.

Wine glass sales are also a big market and people will do wonky stuff to stand out such as a glass for Riesling, or for Syrah, or for 1927 Port, when in fact they make little difference other than to get noticed. Thus, am I saying that the Confrérie des Chevaliers du Tastevin’s Verre de dégustation du Tastevinage is about as meaningful as a double dildo? Yes, yes I am and this is a hill I’m prepared to die on.

What’s your double dildo of a wine glass? And remember there are no wrong answers, only wine glasses.